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Ricky Bobby: Here’s the deal I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Ricky Bobby: Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…”I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”

Ricky Bobby: [after a girl flashes him] Please be 18.

Ricky Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last.

Ricky Bobby: Did that blow your mind, because that just happened.

Ricky Bobby: [extending middle finger] Losing is never fun, but here’s a little something to keep your spirits up. It’s real nice, I got it at Target. It was on sale.

Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, “Jesuz,” we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome stricking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I’m sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.

Ricky Bobby: Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, new born, not even spoken a word yet.

Ricky Bobby: I wo - I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I’d eat my way out from the inside.