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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

I wanna go fast.

Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

I can’t control my heart rate, I’ve got a cougar on me!

Momma, I’m goin’ fast!

If you don’t chew Big Red, then fuck you.

This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.

I sent in my application to The Real World, and I’m pretty much putting all of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.

If my MTV career doesn’t work out, I was thinking I’d buy a gun and become a crack dealer. I wouldn’t be, like, a mean crack dealer… a nice one. I’d just be like ‘Hey guys, what’s up? Want some crack?’

98% of people will die sometime in their lives.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, watching your Baby Einstein developmental… videos, still learning your colors and shapes…