So, I’m at the airport in DC. It’s 5:00 AM and I am getting coffee. I pour the coffee and tear the top off of a small half and half container and dump it in to the coffee and throw away the container and repeat. The third time, I ripped the top off the container, skipped the pour it in the coffee step, and threw the full container in the trash. The lady behind the counter and I had a good laugh.
Have you ever tuned on the water hose full-blast and just stuck it in to the ground, the water blasting the dirt and sand in every direction, welcoming the hose to enter the underdirt? <Begin Mischievous Echo> Never to be 
recovered.</End Mischievous Echo> When I was young, I did this a lot and it was exciting to think that I could water China. While I’m still not convinced it can not be done, I do appreciate the cost of a garden hose. Because, I know, you can never get it back. My kids were adamant about pulling the hose from the ground. First, they asked me to pull it out of the ground. I did give it a tug and at the same time noticed the water was still on. “What a stretchy hose”, I thought. Then, my wife chimed in, “I need that hose.” “Well, honey, then you shouldn’t have let the children bury it, it’s gone now.”, I replied. “They didn’t do it, I did.”, she remarked. Pause [Wild laughter ensues] I wonder if the children, or wives, in China are trying to “hose” to the United States. I’ll be waiting, I could use a new nozzle.
*This is a PG rated blog, please.
**Unless windows are tinted by a minimum of 85%
Edit: This was my only attempt at April Fools Day humor.
Check out Google’s approach to email. It is the first real time machine. It’s a little complex to explain as the formula is based on total emails sent, probability that user believes the time stamp, The Golden Ratio and average life expectancy. The BETA user testimonials are funny.
“I was only tying to help.”, I said, as I plead for my life after dumping a healthy amount of oregano in to my wifes simmering skillet. “The sifter must have fallen off and… and.”, I continued in self defense.
My wife is a very good cook. I like to season things. I am in a little trouble now. When I took the lid off of the oregano, I didn’t notice the plastic thing with holes in it was missing. You see, these holes regulate the amount of oregano that can fall out of the open container.
Thank God she didn’t see how much garlic powder I put in. I hope she doesn’t read my blog. One day this will be funny, “right honey”?
-Mike
Florida Easter bunny caught delivering eggs.