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I got my eyes checked today. As a kid I was cross-eyed and that was tough. I was feeling like I could be seeing better, so I made an appointment. Though I was a little late, I filled out the forms and got in line. One of the questions asked, “What method do you use to protect your eyes from the sun? To which I replied, honestly, “Squinting”.

The first test went famously and in the first box I could see a white fence and at the end Little Jerry? No, a house. On to the next test. “This will blow a puff of air in your eye. No problem, I thought PUFF holy crap! “Does everyone jump?”, I asked. The technology has improved with the exception of the eye chart, though they do bounce it off a mirror which is very David Copperfield.

The doc told me that my correction would be too weak for my insurance to cover. This meant I would have to foot the bill and made me feel like I was seeing great. I did have corrective surgery in the 80’s and I guess they did a jam-up job. So, I was pretty happy to get out of there but, my pupils are the size of Cadillacs. Not to worry, I got the paper, adjustable Dookie and Burp sunglasses.

Now, everyone is too cool to wear these. Outside, beyond the double doors, looked like nuclear proliferation without them. Between me and my car was a microwave of x-rays, gamma rays and ultraviolet light, so I donned my paper shades as if I was The Terminator. I owned them.

I get home and my 3 year old asks me, “Daddy, why did you make your own sunglasses? I was honored that she thought so much of my capability, meanwhile, I thanked my parents for the surgery in the 80’s.

Between grilling shrimp and steak on the grill at night, copious amounts of alcohol and chilling by the pool by day, I managed to snap a few photos of the race that I’d like to share.

The pictures are large so I served them from Flickr. Enjoy the set.

Thank you to my friends who invited my wife and I, the free tickets were a nice touch too.

The deluxe suite we stayed in was choice. The time we spent laughing and eating is unforgettable. My time locked in the port-o-let was both dangerous and inconvenient. The roar of the United States Air Force Thunderbirds flying over at the end of the National Anthem was chilling. Chubby Checker twisted and all was good with the world.

The race was exciting and I am glad to have been able to go with such good friends.

It is National Engineers Week so I thought, as an engineer, I would holler at myself and fellow engineers. It only took me 12 years to get here. Go here to see what the buzz is all about. I suppose I mostly support Motorola.

So, all you engineers out there, I’m certain you are showered with gift this week as I am. Let’s see here, a box of metrics, chocolate covered schematics, meetings and quotes.

With that said, I’m off to review more data and stuff. Keep up the good work problem solvers.

I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

I wanna go fast.

Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

I can’t control my heart rate, I’ve got a cougar on me!

Momma, I’m goin’ fast!

If you don’t chew Big Red, then fuck you.

This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.

I sent in my application to The Real World, and I’m pretty much putting all of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.

If my MTV career doesn’t work out, I was thinking I’d buy a gun and become a crack dealer. I wouldn’t be, like, a mean crack dealer… a nice one. I’d just be like ‘Hey guys, what’s up? Want some crack?’

98% of people will die sometime in their lives.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, watching your Baby Einstein developmental… videos, still learning your colors and shapes…

Ricky Bobby: Here’s the deal I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Ricky Bobby: Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…”I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”

Ricky Bobby: [after a girl flashes him] Please be 18.

Ricky Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last.

Ricky Bobby: Did that blow your mind, because that just happened.

Ricky Bobby: [extending middle finger] Losing is never fun, but here’s a little something to keep your spirits up. It’s real nice, I got it at Target. It was on sale.

Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, “Jesuz,” we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome stricking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I’m sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.

Ricky Bobby: Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, new born, not even spoken a word yet.

Ricky Bobby: I wo - I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I’d eat my way out from the inside.

A very good friend of mine has scored tickets, from another very good friend, to the Daytona 500 and races leading up to that. This is the 50th Anniversary of “The Great American Race”. They chose to invite my wife and I to the sold out race. We are all very excited to be a part of the tradition and rich racing history of Daytona International Speedway.

Musical guests Brooks and Dunn will perform as well as Chubby Checker, Kool and the Gang and Michael McDonald. Richard Petty will be the honorary starter as Jimmie Johnson and Michael Waltrip line up first and second. A link to all of the contending drivers is here.

The US Air Force Thunderbirds will perform the flyover.

Thank you both for inviting us. It is going to be a great time.